worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
