I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
