I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think your dad took our porno
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
