Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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