OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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