don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
