she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
