So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
