YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
