You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
