My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
