I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
