i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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