I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
