I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
