community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
