I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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