woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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