I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize