I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
