i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
