Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
