I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
