I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
