During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
never play flip cup with pint glasses
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
