I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
