Pappa wants mamma naked
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
