Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
