Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
