If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
