Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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