So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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