I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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