That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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