pop tarts are not kleenex
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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