I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
