oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
