Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
