My pussy is not your playground.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize