I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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