WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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