i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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