I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
