I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if only i could text you this smell
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it was like eating out sand paper
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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