he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize