Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
