He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
