I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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