I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
