Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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