my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
