the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
