When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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