That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
