so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
