Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
