Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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