I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
