speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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