people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
