So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
