Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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