my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
