so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
