YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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