If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
