I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize