Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize