yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
