Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You left your phone here
Wait...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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